The Validation of Acceptance

     As I was driving into work this evening (for those who don't know, I am an overnight 911 Dispatcher) I was thinking about various Facebook posts that have been scrolling across my feed for the past few days. Writer friends posting about stories or poems being accepted, while others are feeling the sting of rejection. It got me thinking about the whole process and how we, as writers, have a rather unique ritual that goes along with our craft. Allow me to explain.

     I am also a musician and have been playing music for close to 35 years, never truly professionally, mind you, but I have worked within the boundaries of the live music circuit. I've played gigs in bars and parties and even provided live ambient music for an art gala once.

     I also worked as a professional magician for a number of years, performing magic everywhere from street corners, to house parties, kids parties, restaurants clubs and even a custom built stage for a Halloween Haunt Attraction.

     In each of these other art forms, when shopping myself and my art to others in search of gigs it was a very straightforward sort of audition. I would meet with the potential client and in the case of music provide them either with a CD or MP3 of my work so they could listen and decide if they wanted that type of music at their establishment. When I was working as a magician, I would meet with a potential client and perform some magic for them live and they would decide if that was the kind of entertainment they wanted for their establishment, party, function, etc.  It was all very now. In the moment. Instant gratification if you will.  When I was on the hunt for more gigs, I would often compile lists of places and people to contact and a whole day could be spent auditioning.  Strike out at Place A, head directly over to Place B, etc.

     Writing however is a very unique beast in that you work hard to hone your craft, just like you would any other, but when you are finally ready to unveil your work to the world at large, you are forced to wait. First you have to submit your story to an editor and wait for acceptance.  This in and of itself can be a very long and stressful period.

     I have a story that is available in the book Death & Butterflies titled Crimson On Clover.  I shopped that story around for well over a year, racking up over forty rejections before it was finally accepted! There were days where I considered just shelving it and forgetting about it, but I truly loved the story and believed it belonged somewhere and so I persisted until editor extraordinaire, Natalie Brown read it and decided it was perfect for her anthology.  (HUGE THANK YOU TO NATALIE!)

     I will never forget the day that I got the email that the story was accepted.  I was absolutely elated. I even took my wife out for a celebratory dinner because it felt like such a momentous occasion. Something that I had worked so hard for had finally been accepted and therefore validated. Only, that's not really the case, is it?  Sure it's been accepted into the anthology. My story is out there, but now comes the wait to hear what readers think about your work, if you even hear at all.

     As of this writing, Death and Butterflies has been available for almost two months. In that time there have been a few reviews of the book that have mentioned a few stories by name, stating how good they are (and they ARE fantastic!) but as of yet, I have not heard from anybody that has read my story.  For that matter, I haven't heard anything about any story that's been written and accepted into an anthology since I had my first acceptance in 2018!

     Do people enjoy my work? I get feedback from friends (both of the writer and non-writer variety) who beta read my tales for me before I send them out for consideration, but I have no idea what the public thinks of my work.

     When I'm playing my guitar at a bar and finish a tune, there's applause (usually) and perhaps a whistle or two if I was really cookin'.  When I'm performing magic, there's gasps and applause and looks of wonder to let me know that those watching my performance are enjoying my illusions.  When a story is accepted, I sit back and wait for the book to be released.  I then wait for people to buy the book and read it and then wait a little longer, ever now and then checking Amazon, Good Reads or even just Googling reviews of the book to see if there's any feedback. As of this moment, there has been no feedback.  And so I sit and wait and wonder. Have people read my story? I'm very much a microscopic unknown in the realm of weird fiction. Do they see my name and say "Who the hell is that?" and then immediately flip to the latest tale from Matthew M. Bartlett? 

     Please don't take all this as a complaint, it most certainly is not, more so a slightly narcissistic epiphany on the nature of acceptance and the artist. If you are someone who needs instant gratification....and let's be honest, we ALL do every now and then.....writing is definitely not the way to get it. When I need some applause I'll go play a tune or do a magic trick for someone and that will satiate my narcissistic itch to be accepted and to be validated. I have my eye on the long run though. Someday, as my body of work grows....or maybe even after I've passed....someone will take notice of my contributions to the craft of weird fiction and say "Hey man.....you ever read St. Cyr?"

Stay Spooky,

Matthew